01 Jan 2006

lets recap how i spent my 1st day of the new yr.......

got up ard 11+ ---- still in the state of fatigue.
went for lunch wif parents & sis at TM, Delifrance as well as to get dad's Nokia 6680 fixed cos he cudnt make any video calls frm dat handset.

went to Nokia but was referred back to Singtel instead - super long queue.
after we got the phone fixed, sis and i, along wif dennis headed over to aunty irene's place for popiah party. abt 3+..
i had 2 popiahs. lovely. my stomach felt so loved & warm. haha

parents came to pick sis & i at 5.15pm at grace's car park to head down to church. as usual it was a rainy & chilly day.
Ivan and Jon joined in late for mass. but well, at least they came i suppose.
after mass, parents & sis left. Ivan, Jon & i walked over to KFC, the boys had their dinner & i jus ate Jon's mashed potato & a cuppa hot tea.

after their meal, we walked to paya lebar mrt station - boarded the train & headed to Downtown East Pasir Ris for a Tourism senior's bday party. Jon wanted us to go down - jus to show face or smthg..
so boring.. din noe many pple dere n every1 was jus in their own world cept Fanis. luckily i had him, as usual we chatted abt sch.

sigh. this meeting wif Ivan was so odd.
we hardly spoke.
seemed like he wasnt interested to talk to me or smthg.. oh well.
*shrugs*
cud nvr understand guys anyway..

mayb cos i was pretty tired too. past few nites were jus awful.. fancy 3+ 4am everynite. for a poor girl like me.. haii.. cant do it.

yup so CP came to my rescue frm utter boredom.
we went to a coffee shop across grace's hse for supper.
javern came by after grace's place too.
it was much more comforting to be with dem. somehow.

mayb seeing ivan makes me miss him even more. gosh i really duno.
hate this draggy feeling.. feels like i'm in limbo or smthg.
luckily sch's starting. i dun hav time for all this bullshit.
being out of a relationship saves me alot of heartache and pain.
the obligations & expectations, the explaining and tolerating.
for once i can be nice to myself. i noe i wont betray myself anymore. i wont cheapen myself.

this new yr, a new resolution.
study hard, work hard, do well.
forget all the pain of yester years and bloody hell move on.
if i keep stickin myself in this hole, i'll get no where.

i'm a very emotional person i know.
that's my greatest weakness. and it sucks.
it's like as if wadever pple feels, i feel it double. esp if they're very close to me.
been getting headaches very frequently in recent weeks.
hate it. duno how it comes abt too.
is this weakness my strength at the same time?
cud God have a purpose for this weakness of mine?

mayb someday someone wont take advantage of this weakness of mine. perhaps someday someone will truly accept me for who i am.
perhaps someday i can get out of this hole i am in and love again.
someday, someone, somehow.
i'm leaving that in God's hands. am not going out there to look for anything.
right now i'm happy wif my life.
i shall remain positive, be happy and be thankful.

I believe God will not give me tasks i cant handle.
everything is possible with Christ who strengthens me.
my faith has grown ever since 5 yrs ago when i was baptised.
all the trials i had to go thru, i had God. i was nvr alone.
but i do pray for his forgiveness and mercy on the decisions i made in my life. and esp for the pple i've hurt, sorry.

despite it all,
HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!! =)